Still here! (and there’s more of us)

My list of excuses for not updating this blog for 9 months is long, justifiable, and ultimately just plain lame.  So, for those of our friends and family that actually noticed we (I) had gone dark for so long…. I apologize.

The most truthful reason for the long hiatus was the demands of our business mission here – Karisimbi Business Partners (check out our newly updated website! ). Among other business development efforts, we were very fortunate to secure a long-term contract with the ministry of Commerce to assess and develop turnaround business plans for twelve different companies deemed strategic to the country.  Great!  It has required a ton of research, extensive documentation, writing, presentations, written deliverables, etc.  Not Great!  So, at the end of a day or week, the last thing I was motivated to do was sit back down in front of my laptop and write more…

So again, apologies because a lot has happened in the time since my last post and much of it was extremely blog worthy – i.e. filled with the hilarious, frustrating, incredible, touching, hysterical, embarrassing, joyful, illogical, take you to the edge of sanity…but ultimately, blessed.  Of course, I (in my mind) wrote it up in all of its glorious, comedic, Oscar-worthy detail.  Just didn’t quite get to that last mile of putting down on paper.  Sorry for that.

Anyway… in lieu of a long and ultimately convoluted recap of the past nine months I’ll just provide a view to the most impactful experience. Far and away the most amazing thing in our lives over the past 6 months is the adoption of our five year old son Marcel on May 14.

John Marcel Ishimwe Urquhart

The story is an incredible one – many, many highs and lows in getting to the final adoption point – questioning God’s timing, why it wasn’t moving faster, etc,… and so forth. Not writing it all down as it was happening to us is ultimately a good thing, as all the frustrations we experienced are already (mostly) forgotten now that we have him home. Or at least I can now describe them to friends with a lens for the hilarity of it all.

We were actually purposely quiet on our adoption process.  There had been a lot going on since we began the process 19 months ago.  We’ve known Marcel since he was 3 and 1/2 years old, first meeting him in October 2009.  Being so involved in the orphanage since moving to Rwanda, it made things extra sensitive since we (primarily Kristen) had such knowledge and relationship with the kids there. There had been so many ups and downs, delays and processes to navigate that the thought of documenting that was nearly as exhaustive and depressing as actually experiencing them first hand…

But God was so good throughout our journey to get to this point.  And the last several weeks of the final process were nothing short of miraculous.  We broke every record for speed and navigation of the process. I suppose the non-believer would call it fate, fantastic luck, or incredible coincidence, but as we know – all things are possible for those who believe.

The kid is amazing.  I had all the fears no one likes to talk about related to adopting an older child, i.e. what has happened to him spending all this time in a poor orphanage? Was he abused? Is he developmentally slow, physically delayed, prone to rage and emotional outbursts? Will he have attachment disorder?  How will I talk to him given he only speaks Kinyarwanda? Is he going to show up some night standing by my bed with a knife? (Kidding. Sort of. It did cross my mind.)

God is so good.  Here is how I would describe him:  Total optimist. Happy to do anything and everything. Loves us all deeply.  Has learned English faster than I ever thought humanly possible.  In two weeks he was understandable.  In a month it was short but complete phrases. We are now five months in and the only issue he has is correcting his grammar. He is effectively fluent.  He refuses to speak Kiyarwanda from about two weeks in. We try to encourage it, but I think subconsciously his mind decided this was his new life and all focus went to English. It’s as if he never had his native tongue.  Its got to still be there somewhere, but for now he has dropped it all for his new family language.  Even Rwandan people that he has known forever – he now only responds in English.

The way you learn a language is by using it.  Boy does that kid use it.  Made me want to scream sometimes.  Here is a sample Marcel “language adoption and retention method” conversation at dinner at about month three:

M: Dad, that spicy? G: Yes, it’s too spicy for you, Marcel.  M: Only for Dad? G: Yes, only for Dad. M: And mommy?  G: Yes, buddy, and mommy.  Pause.  M: I no eat cause too spicy for Marcel?  G: That’s right, it’s too spicy for you.  M: And Weston?  G: It’s okay for Weston, but he doesn’t like it either.  M: Weston no like spicy?  G: Well, he likes spicy but doesn’t like this pepper.  M: Pepper spicy? G: (sigh) Yes.  M: Too spicy for me?  G: Yes, Marcel. M: And Ella? Ella no like spicy?  G: (big sigh I try to hide) Yes, it’s just for mommy and daddy, not for children.  M: And no Ava?  G: Right, not Ava either.  M: Okay.

M: Dad, what you drink? That Spicy?   (Oh dear lord…give me strength)……

Spicy is still a favorite word and a big concern at mealtime, but we’ve progressed and moved on (thankfully)!  The kid can eat like you would not believe. One morning he had four eggs, 3 sausages, 1 yogurt, 3 pancakes, and juice.  When you ask him if he is full he very seriously sits up, pushes on his stomach a few times, and pronounces yes or no as appropriate.  A few times he has told us “I think still room in legs.”  Hilarious.

He absolutely loves to play football (American) with Weston in the back garden.  And Weston is a very willing coach and teammate.  Marcel can’t wait for all the kids to get home each afternoon from school and is so eager to spend time with each of them.  He is home schooling with Kristen this year and progressing well.

The crazy final schedule we went through to bring him home included him and Kristen in Nairobi for a week for medical and immigration processing.  It’s (kinda) funny now, but she found herself at one point in the medical office being told he needed 5 shots right then, and, given this was less than a week after he joined us, the language barrier was in full force.  So, she was forced to help four other people hold him down while he wailed “Momma no, Momma no!” and she silently cried.  Good times.  She’s thinking ‘Great, if he wasn’t traumatized before, he is now!!’

But he was not phazed and has consistently been the happiest most agreeable kid I know.  When I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised.  He has been living as an orphan since birth (he was found in a plastic bag at a week old  beside his dead mother) :

First off, let me say Home of Hope orphanage is a great place and we are very grateful to the Sisters of Charity who have dedicated their lives to caring for orphans and the handicapped. Still, picture a rundown cinderblock and brink building with a concrete courtyard.  No grass.  Broken 50-year-old playground equipment.  No clothes that belong to you.  Often we came to visit Marcel and he was dressed in some very nice hot pink shorts and maybe a pastel shirt for My Pretty Pony.  Classic.  Always an adventure to see what he won from the outfit lottery each time we showed up! They slept 40 in a large room filled with oversized metal cribs with 3 inch plastic mattresses.

So two weeks after leaving that environment he is on a plane to CA with his new family (sans me – I had to stay back and work and joined a month later).  His two month summer experience (of course everything was a first):

Meeting all his cousins, swimming pools, trampoline, ice cream, cheeseburgers, pizza, smores, road trip(s), Disneyland, California Adventure, beach/ocean, fireworks, 50 person family reunion at the Grand Tetons in Wyoming, Rodeo, 4th of July parade, mountain luge, real playgrounds, jet skiing, tubing, boating on the lake, nachos, zoo/aquarium, week of summer fun camp, restaurants, bath time, his own bed, his own toys, two sets of grandparents, 5 sets of aunts and uncles and many, many extended family members….

It brings tears to my eyes every time I think about or just randomly stop to watch him and consider his before and after.  We are so, so blessed to have him in our family and I am overwhelmed and humbled at the opportunity God has given us to make such a difference in his life.  He is certainly making a big difference in all of ours.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.